


Some Kind of Normal

by LiveLoveLaugh



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Rewrite, F/M, Fix-It, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:14:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1326241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLoveLaugh/pseuds/LiveLoveLaugh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Esperanza Shepard awoke to a world full of chaos and danger. Throughout it all, she could always find her little slice of normal in the armory with Jacob Taylor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> So, I absolutely hated everything surrounding Jacob Taylor's canon and background. I've written about it, in detail, in other places so I won't bore you with it here. Long story short, I feel Jacob is an under-appreciated character that desperately needs a "fix-it" fic so I decided to write one. I don't know how regular or irregular the updates will be because this is a massive undertaking but I will finish it. Needless to say, this will definitely stray from the ME2 and ME3 canon.
> 
> I'll focus mainly on interactions between Jacob and Shepard. It won't be a complete retelling of ME2 and ME3, just a glimpse of Jacob and Shepard's relationship. How it started, how it grew, and what it came to be. Comments and kudos are always appreciated. I hope you enjoy.

The first thing Esperanza Shepard felt upon seeing him on the balcony was an overwhelming sense of relief.

“Finally,” she thought. “There’s someone alive; someone fighting back.”

Maybe she had a chance of getting some answers and getting the hell off this… whatever it was. The last thing she knew she was suffocating to death while plummeting to a planet’s surface after her ship had been blown apart. Now she was following a phantom voice in the ceiling (or her head), wrangling with tech more advanced than she last remembered dealing with, all while getting shot at by mechs and watching said mechs kill the inhabitants of wherever the hell she was. Needless to say, this was a lot to take in. The sight of a (hopefully) friendly person who could answer at least some of her questions made her almost dizzy with relief. She was caught off guard when he turned to speak to her.

“Shepard? What are you doing here?”

“You tell me. I woke up on a table with a disembodied voice telling me to get armor and a weapon and start shooting.”

“That would be Miranda. I’m Jacob Taylor, I’ve been stationed here for--” He was cut off by the sound of approaching mechs and a few very close bullets. He stood up and easily took out the mech that had just fired at them. “Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda woke you up. I’ll fill you in but we have to get to the shuttles.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Shepard said, preparing herself for a fight. “Let’s go.”

After a few well timed biotic attacks and well placed shots, they managed to take out the attacking mechs quickly without using what precious little ammo they had left. As they stopped to breathe and fully evaluate the situation, Esperanza took the time to fully take in Jacob. The first (very inconvenient) thought she had was he was very attractive. He appeared to be in peak physical condition and was about two inches taller than herself. He had smooth brown skin that was a shade darker than hers, full lips, and a very nice pair of brown eyes. Yes, he was definitely attractive but that wasn’t something she needed to focus on at the moment. She had questions and she needed answers.

“Ok, the last thing I remember is suffocating as I fell towards the surface of a planet. How the hell did I end up here? What or where is ‘here’ anyway?”

Jacob was silent for a few moments. He looked as though he was trying to work something out in his head. After a while he took a deep breath and started to answer her.

“I didn’t think I would be the one to tell you this, but I guess I have to. I won’t sugarcoat any of this for you Shepard; we don’t have time for that.”

“I’m don’t care if it’s nice or not,” Shepard interrupted him. “I just want some answers. I’m tired of stumbling around in the dark.”

“Ok. You did die that day. To the Alliance and the rest of the galaxy, you were killed in action. Right now we’re on a station housing the Lazarus Project. The project started by my employer that’s dedicated to rebuilding you.”

“What about my crew? What happened to them?” Shepard asked. Panic was beginning to set in but she had to push it aside for the moment. She still had questions and she still had the issue of getting away from the mechs that were trying to kill her… again.

“Most of your crew got out alive. Some crew members below decks didn’t make it and Navigator Pressley was killed by an explosion. The non-Alliance crew and everyone else got out safely though.”

Shepard took a shaky breath and leaned on the balcony as a strange mix of relief and grief flowed through her. Her crew was her family and the death of even one of them hit her hard. She was relieved to find out that most of them did make it out safely.

“Do you know what happened to them?” Shepard asked.

“No,” Jacob said. He moved to stand beside her. “It’s been two years. They could be anywhere.”

“Wait, what do you mean it’s been two years? Two years since I died?”

“Uh… yeah. When they brought you here, you were very much dead. Honestly, I didn’t think they’d be able to bring you back. Two years and a lot of credits later, I’ve been proven wrong. I don’t know the specifics of what they did though; I’m just security you’d have to ask a scientist for that. I do know whatever they did was very expensive and involved state of the art technology.”

“Did they--” Shepard started. She could barely get the words out as the mere thought made bile rise in the back of her throat. “Am I a clone?”

Jacob looked her straight in the eyes before answering.

“No. I asked them that myself not long after you were brought in. I figured that was the only way they’d be able to bring you back. Miranda, she’s head of the Lazarus Project, said that wasn’t an option. Our employer wanted you brought back exactly as you were.”

Esperanza took a final long look at him before deciding she would, for now, trust him. She did still have a few questions but felt those would be better answered by Miranda.

“I still have some questions but they can wait. We need to get the hell out of here. Let’s go.”

Once she was on her new ship, now named the Normandy SR-2, she took some time in her cabin to try to sort through everything that just happened. In a few short hours she found out she had died, Cerberus (a group she spent her spare time destroying) found her body and spent two years and billions of credits rebuilding her. The current leader of Cerberus, The Illusive Man, brought her back for the sole purpose of investigating disappearing colonies. She also learned that said colonies were being “harvested” by Collectors and that her job was to gather a team together, go through a relay which no ship had ever returned from, find the Collectors, and kill them all.

On the positive side of things Esperanza found that her former pilot and doctor, Joker and Dr. Chakwas, were on the SR-2 with her. That lifted her spirits, if only a little bit. It was nice to know she had someone she could trust on the ship. If she had things her way, she would have been able to get Tali, a Quarian who served on the SR-1 with her, to come with her too. Tali was like the little sister she always wanted but never had. It was nice to see her again on Freedom’s Progress and know that she still trusted and believed in her but it hurt knowing they probably wouldn’t see each other again for a very long time.

As Esperanza laid on her impossibly large yet surprisingly comfortable bed, her mind eventually settled on the enigma that was Jacob. She’d been able to speak to him before they left for Freedom’s Progress and after they got aboard the Normandy. She had also seen him in a fair bit of combat. In a lot of ways, they were similar. They were both biotics, she had him beat with power but he had her beat when it came to control. They also both preferred the same weapons. They were both (technically) former Alliance, they both liked to keep in shape, and he was only two inches taller than her.

Outside of all the superficial similarities, there was something else seemingly drawing her to him. In the complete madness of her day, he was the only seemingly “normal” part about it. He was honest with her from the start and didn’t sugarcoat anything. He stayed focused on the mission and, even though this most definitely wasn't an Alliance mission, saluted her and respected her rank like it was. When they were on the ship after Freedom’s Progress, he went over new weapon mods and technology with her like it was something he did everyday. She found herself not wanting to leave the armory simply because everything felt so normal there. It was something she hadn’t felt since before Elysium. Saving an entire colony from a massive attack had sent her life as far away from “normal” as you could possibly get.

However, there was another person who did in some ways get her pretty close to normal. Ashley Williams. Like Jacob, Ashley spent her time with the weapons on the SR-1. Esperanza would spend hours talking with her, about family, friends, the mission, likes, dislikes, everything. They became fast friends and eventually something more developed. Before she died, they both made a promise to use some leave time to sort out exactly what they had together. She wondered if that promise was still good.

“Shepard, we are approaching the Citadel and will dock in one hour.” EDI, the ship’s on-board AI, said.

“Thank you. Tell Jacob and Miranda to meet me at the airlock when we dock.” Shepard rose from her bed and started the process of gathering her armor.

“Of course Shepard. Logging you out.” Now it was time to see if the galaxy was willing to accept her back.


	2. Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was supposed to be shorter and cover both Horizon and the aftermath but that didn't happen. Apparently this story has a mind of its own. I hope you enjoy!

Horizon was a complete mess from start to finish. Seeing the seeker swarms and their handiwork firsthand was something Shepard would never forget. The colonists with their faces frozen in terror, bodies rooted in place as they tried so desperately to run, eyes darting back and forth from Shepard to Jacob to Garrus and to the seeker swarms would haunt her dreams for years to come. One of the most disturbing things for her was how casually the pods used to load colonists on the Collector ship were strewn about. The Collectors obviously had this down to a science. This was nothing more than loading up a few crates of cargo to them.

The fight against the Collectors was no better. Fighting Collectors alone would have been bad enough. Seeing the husks threw both Shepard and Garrus for a loop. When they first encountered husks in the fight against Saren and Sovereign, they were created using Dragon’s Teeth. The towering spikes were immediate clues to what they were going to face. The husks the Collectors had were different. There were no Dragon’s Teeth around, so the husks were a complete surprise. These husks also looked different from the ones she faced two years ago; they even moved differently. Once they came to the conclusion that they were likely made by the Collectors and brought to the colony, the reality of the situation hit home. If the Collectors were turning some of the colonists they captured into husks, there’s no telling what they’re doing with the rest of them.

Then there was Harbinger. They were in another seemingly endless fight against Collectors when all of a sudden, one of them began to glow. The transformation reminded her of what happened to Saren after he shot himself and Sovereign took control of his body. She knew then they were in trouble. What she didn’t expect was it to focus solely on her. What none of them expected was it to start speaking.

 _“You will know pain, Shepard.”_ The voice of the Harbinger controlled Collector called to her while she hid behind cover. It felt like it was coming from inside her head but she knew Jacob and Garrus could hear it too because they immediately turned to her. They seemed to be just as shocked as she was. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and forced herself to focus. She couldn’t afford to succumb to the fear and doubt. Not yet. She could deal with that later. For now she had to stop them from taking another colony. She snapped her Commander mask back on, detached as best she could emotionally, and began issuing orders.

“That… thing is the biggest threat now,” Shepard said. “We need to get rid of it. Jacob, make sure you’re using incendiary ammo. Garrus, keep other Collectors off our asses while we try to get it’s barrier down. Once it’s down, I’ll hit it with pull and Garrus, you hit it with a concussive shot and Jacob will keep on it with the incendiary ammo. With any luck, it should fall quickly. Got it?”

“Yes Shepard.” Garrus answered immediately. He moved quickly to a different piece of cover to keep the other Collectors occupied and take them out as fast as he could.

Jacob looked her in the eye before answering. It was only a second but the moment seemed to stretch on forever. Shepard felt at that moment he knew every single fear and doubt that was running through her mind. If he did, he didn’t say a word about it. Maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe she just wanted to believe he understood, that someone understood. Maybe he just knew that wasn’t the time or place to address it.

“Yes ma’am.” Jacob said after the moment had passed. He gave a nod then moved to complete her orders. The Harbinger controlled Collector fell fast and they made short work of the few that were left.

The garage was a respite from combat but not from the emotional battle of the day. The mechanic in the garage, Delan, gave voice to some of the doubts eating at Shepard. If only she’d been faster, smarter, stronger, maybe she could’ve reached the colony sooner and got some people off the planet. Maybe if she’d left The Illusive Man and gone back to the Alliance she could’ve been there right when it happened. Maybe she should’ve sent a message to Anderson or Hackett and they could’ve sent some type of reinforcements. The maybes, the what-ifs, the should haves, the could haves, the would haves, were eating at her more and more with each passing second. Shepard was brought out of her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder guiding her to a quiet corner.

“Shepard? Esperanza, look at me.” Jacob said quietly, trying to snap her out of the trance she was seemingly in. “Are you ok?”

“What? Yeah. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” Shepard said. Jacob knew this wasn’t the complete truth. The slight tremor in her hand gave her away.

“I know this is getting overwhelming but you have to focus. These colonists need you now more than ever. You can still save the people left here. Focus on making sure they don’t get taken too.” Jacob didn’t break eye contact while speaking to her. His low, steady voice helped Shepard focus on the task at hand. “Garrus and I are right here with you. You can do this. I know you can.”

“Thank you.” Shepard reached up to touch the hand he still had on her shoulder. She gave a nod and a small smile, and walked over to the ammo on the other side of the garage.

“Garrus, Jacob, come stock up on ammo. I doubt we’ll get another chance to do this before we get to the GUARDIAN towers. If you see any heavy weapon ammo let me know.” Shepard’s Commander mask was firmly in place again as she started issuing orders. Jacob knew she’d be ok for the rest of the mission.

What worried him most was what would happen to her once she was back on the ship. How would she deal with the stresses of today without the distraction of a fight? Jacob and Garrus shared a look that told him they were having similar thoughts. They both moved to follow her orders and a few moments later they were on their way out of the garage to what they hoped was the last leg of the fight.

The fight to the starport was hard and brought another twisted Collector creation. The Scion was a truly twisted thing and a formidable enemy. The thought that the Collectors were turning colonists into those things made everyone’s stomach turn. The fight would have been hard enough with just Collectors, husks, and the Scion. Once Harbinger decided to keep controlling Collectors the fight seemed endless. Harbinger seemed to know he was starting to get to her because he talked only to her. Garrus and Jacob saw how Harbinger was causing her to lose her focus. They decided the best way to counteract the effect he was having was to be a little more vocal than they had to be. Their voices in her ear helped to drown out Harbinger and keep it from distracting Shepard.

The starport itself was crawling with husks when they finally arrived. Jacob and Shepard’s biotics were able to get rid of the bulk of them and Garrus easily took out the ones still left alive. Once all the husks were taken out, Shepard started the process of bringing the defense towers online.

“Normandy, are you there?” Shepard said after completing the hack on the defense towers.

“Joker here Commander. The signal is weak but we got you.” Joker replied over the comm link.

“EDI, can you bring the defense towers online?”

“Errors in the calibration software are easily rectified but it will take time to bring the towers to full power. I recommend a defensive posture. I won’t be able to mask increased generator output.” EDI said.

“We need to prepare. When the Collectors figure out what’s happening, we’ll have a tough fight on our hands.” Garrus said after a brief moment.

“That’s true,” Shepard said. “EDI, is there anything else we need to know?”

“Enemy reinforcements are closing in. I suggest you ready weapons.” EDI replied. After the comm line was cut they had mere seconds to get into cover before reinforcements started to fly in.

They fought wave after wave of enemies, each containing a Harbinger controlled Collector and a scion. They were low on ammo and energy when things suddenly got quiet. All of a sudden, something none of them had seen before flew in. It had an insect like quality to it and in it’s mouth, if you could call it that, were what looked like the heads of many husks. Shepard could feel bile rising in the back of her throat when she looked at it.

“Well, I’m glad I saved all that heavy weapon ammo.” Shepard said.

“Yeah,” said Jacob. “We’re glad you did too.”

“Ok, this thing looks like this thing is likely to have high barriers and some pretty high armor. Jacob, switch to incendiary ammo and Garrus I need you to use the heaviest weapon you have.” Shepard said. “If this thing was sent by Harbinger, it’s likely gonna target me so that gives you to a change to get some good shots in. Stay in cover. We’ve made it this far without getting too seriously injured and I want it to stay that way. When I can, I’ll hit it with the Particle Beam I picked up. Whatever you do, stay as far away from it as you can. I’m pretty sure it has some type of attack that triggers when you get too close and I don’t wanna see it. Are we clear?”

“Yes Shepard.” Garrus said. “Oh, and Shepard? Try not to get yourself too banged up. I prefer you come back to the Normandy in one piece.”

“No need to worry Garrus,” Shepard said with a small smile and laugh. “That’s at the top of the list of my priorities right now. Let’s take this damn thing down so we can get off this planet.”

Just as she suspected, the Pretorian (as she later learned it was called) seemed to target only her with its beam. She used herself as bait, dodging quickly from cover to cover, while Garrus and Jacob threw as much firepower as they could at it. In between particle beam shots, Shepard hit it with her own heavy weapon. Halfway through the fight, EDI got the defense towers online and started picking away at the Collector ship. The fight as long and hard but they managed to take it down in the end. Once the Collectors started taking damage, they left taking at least half of the colony with them.

“NO! Don’t let them get away!” Delan screamed at the retreating ship as he ran out from the garage.

“I’m sorry but there’s nothing more I can do.” Shepard said. The adrenaline rush of battle was wearing off and she could feel the fears and doubts creeping up on her again.

“You saved half the colony Shepard. That’s more than anyone could’ve hoped for.” Jacob said, stepping up to stand beside her.

“Shepard? Wait, I know that name. Aren’t you some big Alliance hero?” Delan said. If he said anything after that, Shepard didn’t hear it. She saw movement behind some of the crates near Delan and then the one person she’d been hoping to see the whole time stepped into view.

Ashley Williams. She was just as beautiful as Shepard remembered. The years had definitely taken their toll on her though. Ashley looked like a woman that had been hell and back and had returned with more than a few demons.

“Commander Esperanza Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel.” Ashley rattled off Shepard’s titles and accomplishments to Delan while never breaking eye contact with her. “You’re in the presence of a God Delan; back from the dead.”

“All the good people we lost and you get left behind? Screw this. I’m done with you Alliance types.” Delan said before walking off, leaving Ashley alone with Shepard and her ground team.

“I thought you were dead Esperanza. We all did.” Ashley walked up and pulled Shepard in for a hug. For the first time since waking up, she felt like she was home.

“It’s been too long Ash. How have you been?” Shepard said with a sad smile.

“That’s it? You show up after two years and act like nothing’s happened?” Ashley said angrily. It was like a switch flipped inside her and all of the anger, resentment, and pain she felt for those two years Shepard was gone came rushing out. “We had something, something real. I loved you! I thought you were dead. How could you put me through that? Why didn’t you contact me? Why didn’t you let me know you were alive?”

“I’m sorry Ash but what do you want me to say? I _was_ dead. I spent those two years on an operating table, part science experiment, part jigsaw puzzle for Cerberus. I regained consciousness once and only for a matter of seconds.” Shepard said. She was truly hurt by Ashley’s accusations. How could she truly believe she’d just up and leave and not try to contact her?

“Well why not now? Why not contact me after you woke up?” Ashley said.

“I tried! I asked Anderson where you were as soon as I got to the Citadel but he told me it was ‘classified.’ What was I supposed to do?” Shepard said. She could feel the tears threatening and tried her hardest to keep them from falling. “It’s obvious you’ve moved on. Why reopen old wounds?”

“Huh. I’ve moved on but here you are pulling me back. And now we have reports of you with Cerberus. The group we tried our hardest to destroy.” Ashley said as she looked at the Cerberus insignia on Jacob’s armor.

“Reports? You mean you knew?” Jacob said.

“Alliance intel said Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies. We got a tip that this one could be the next to get hit. I went to Anderson and he wouldn’t talk but there were rumors you weren’t dead. Worse, that you were working for the enemy.” Ashley said accusingly.

“Our colonies are disappearing and Cerberus is the only one doing something about it. You better believe I’m gonna use their money and resources to save lives.” Shepard replied angrily. She wasn’t about to let anyone question her motives or loyalty.

“Bullshit Shepard. I _know_ what Cerberus is like. They talk a big game about ‘putting humans first’ but at what cost? I wanted to believe you were alive, I just didn’t expect… this.” Ashley said just as angrily. “You betrayed the Alliance, Anderson, _your mother_! You betrayed me, Shepard.”

“ _How dare you?!_ You know me Ashley! You know damn well I’d only do this for a damn good reason and the last time I checked, the ship that just took off with half of this fucking colony is a good fucking reason! The Collectors and the Reapers are behind this, not Cerberus and definitely not me.” Shepard was livid. She understood confusion and even hurt but to call her a traitor to the Alliance and her mother? That was a low blow. Something she didn’t know if she could easily forgive.

“I want to believe you Shepard, God knows I do but I don’t trust Cerberus. It worries me that you do.” Ashley’s voice had lowered but the hurt, anger, and mistrust were still there. “How do you know they’re not behind it? What makes you so sure?”

“You’re so focused on Cerberus you can’t see the truth.” Jacob said.

“Damnit Ashley! You think we weren’t there too?! You think we don’t know what Cerberus is capable of? We don’t work for them, we work for Shepard. We’re trying to save these people!” Garrus interjected. He’d had enough of Ashley’s baseless accusations and could see how bad they were hurting Shepard.

“So you’re not gonna listen to me then?” Shepard said sadly. She knew whatever she and Ashley had in the past was long gone now.

“No. You may feel like you owe Cerberus something Shepard but I know where my loyalties lie. I’m an Alliance soldier to the core. I’m reporting back to the Citadel. We’ll see if they believe your story.” With that, Ashley turned and left. Shepard wanted to do something, anything but just stand there but she couldn’t. She just stood there staring at the space where Ashley stood only seconds ago in shock. She was brought out of her trance by a hand on her shoulder and a voice in her ear.

“Shepard, we need to leave.” Jacob said softly. Once again, Shepard could have sworn in that moment he knew exactly what she was feeling.

“Joker. Send the shuttle to pick us up. I’ve had enough of this colony.” Shepard said, her voice cracking with emotion. A few short minutes later they were on the shuttle and gone for good.


	3. After Horizon

Once the shuttle returned to the Normandy, Shepard got off immediately and headed straight for the elevator to her quarters without speaking to or looking at anyone. Jacob and Garrus were left in the shuttle bay staring at her wake.

“Is she gonna be ok?” Jacob asked Garrus. He started to follow her but Garrus reached out to stop him.

“Just, give her a few minutes. Today was pretty rough. Give her some time to think.” said Garrus, releasing Jacob’s arm. He looked up at Garrus and saw he looked just as emotionally drained as Shepard did.

“Ok. I’ll give her time.” He turned to start his usual post mission routine. The time spent cleaning and repairing weapons and armor and grabbing a bite to eat allowed him to sort through his thoughts.

This should have been just another mission. An important mission, yes, but a mission none the less. A mission with a crew and a commander but this somehow felt… different. He was quickly learning everything was different when it came to Shepard. On the surface she was a friendly, funny, intelligent woman. It was easy to see how she got the reputation of being able to talk anyone into and out of just about anything.

He had gotten to know her pretty well in the time they’d been on the ship together. She made a habit of at least passing through the armory everyday and stopping to talk for a bit after every mission, even if she didn’t take him down with her. At first it threw him off a bit. He’d never had a commander who took the time to talk to their subordinates as much as she did. When he asked her why she did this, she just shrugged, said “It’s what I do” and left it at that. There were also times where she tried to get to know more about him and his background, but she never pushed. She never tried to make him tell her more than he was comfortable telling and he greatly appreciated that.

He also got glimpses of the more complicated person underneath the surface. Even though he didn’t really open up to her, Shepard seemed to have no problem opening up to him. She told him stories about the first Normandy and its crew and even a couple from her childhood. Those were some of his favorite moments with her. He could see the weight lift off her shoulders and her eyes would seem brighter somehow. She would hop up on the table behind him and settle in to tell her story while he calmly added whatever mods they found or bought to their weapons. Most days it felt like she just wanted, or maybe needed, someone to just listen to her for a while.

Jacob was in the armory finishing up a repair on one of Shepard’s heavy pistols when he heard the door swish open and the familiar tap of shoes against the floor. He looked up and saw a visibly distraught Shepard. She had taken her hair out of it’s usual bun and instead had it in a high ponytail. Her hair, still wet from her shower, was much curlier and longer than he thought it’d be. The damp curls could easily brush her shoulder if she turned her head. She was dressed in a simple black tank top and matching gym shorts that showed off her long dark brown legs. In her hand she carried a pair of red padded training gloves. He guessed she was headed down to the shuttle bay where the small makeshift gym was to get in some training. What stopped him in his tracks though was her eyes. Instead of the bright, hazel eyes he was used to he saw something very different. Her eyes were red as if she’d been crying hard very recently and he could even see the cybernetics glowing slightly in her irises.

“Shepard, are you ok?” Jacob reached out and touched her wrist, stopping her from going any further. Shepard looked at him, surprised  like she hadn’t even seen him standing there.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. I was just gonna check on some upgrades and then go exercise for a bit.” She seemed a bit distracted while she talked, like her mind was half there and half somewhere else entirely. Jacob held on to her wrist a moment longer before letting go.

“I was just finishing up this repair. I can meet you down in the shuttle bay if you don’t mind some company?”

“Um, yeah. That’d be nice.” Shepard gave him a small smile before walking off. Once she was out the door, Jacob hurried to clean his station. Once he was done, he went down to his quarters to change into his own set of workout gear. He hoped a bit of exercise and some time alone would help him get to the bottom of what was really bothering her. He didn’t know why, but he really didn’t like seeing her hurt like this.

“EDI, is there anyone in the bay with me right now?” Jacob reached the shuttle bay before Shepard and that gave him a chance to do something he figured she would appreciate.

“You are currently the only person in the shuttle bay Operative Taylor.” EDI’s cool voice answered back.

“Good. When Shepard gets down here, can you make sure we’re not disturbed? Oh, and please disable the recording devices when she arrives please.” Jacob said while making his way towards the makeshift gym.

“Of course Operative Taylor. Logging you out.”

Jacob took the time before Shepard arrived to start on his own workout routine. The “gym” itself was relatively small. It was set up on the right side of the hangar but it could be removed at any time if the space was needed. There were two benches that could comfortably sit two people each and two treadmills. There was a full weight set, a weight bench, and a pull up bar. The large punching bag and mats that could be laid out to make a makeshift ring for sparring were recent additions.

By the time Shepard arrived, he was halfway through his third set of pullups. Shepard was slightly caught off guard by what she saw. She knew Jacob was in shape but she had no idea just how in shape he was. It was obvious he put as much time and care into his body as he did the weapons on the ship. He’d obviously been there for a while; his shirt was neatly folded on one of the benches and his back glistened with sweat. The sight of his muscles contracting and relaxing with every pull-up was almost distracting enough to make her forget why she was so upset. Almost.

Shepard heaved a sigh, pulled on her gloves, and headed over to the punching bag. “Got started without me?”

“Well I had to do something while I waited.” said Jacob with a slight laugh. He hopped down from the bar, sat at one of the benches and took a long drink from his water bottle. After a short break, he moved to one of the treadmills and watched as Shepard started in on the punching bag.

He hoped the exercise would help relieve some of her tension, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. With every punch, every kick at the punching bag he could see her muscles tensing. He knew something was truly wrong when her biotics started to flare. He hopped off the treadmill and took a few cautious steps towards her.

“Esperanza, are you ok?” He reached out to lightly touch her shoulder. As soon as Jacob touched her, she stopped. He could feel her trembling slightly at his touch. He thought maybe she’d be pissed he stopped her. What he didn’t expect was the small quiet sob that escaped her lips.

“Esperanza?” He said again, turning her around to face him. He could see the tears streaming silently down her face. “Come here.” He pulled her into a hug and felt as the tension finally bled away from her. Once she had calmed down a bit, he pulled back and led her towards the benches.

“What’s on your mind Esperanza? Talk to me.” Jacob asked as Shepard took off her gloves and wiped the tears from her face.

“I just…” she sighed and leaned forward, continuing after a slight pause. “I expected some anger, I was prepared for pain, hurt, and loss. Never in my life did I think she’d question my loyalty to the Alliance, to my mother. She knows me, she knows the Alliance is, _was_ , my life. We both come from military families, we have similar backgrounds. She knows this, she knows everything about me! How could she?! _I loved her!_ Hell, I still do, part of me always will. She had to know how much that would hurt. Why would she do that?” she asked as she looked up at Jacob. In that moment she wasn’t Commander Shepard, Hero of Elysium, Savior of the Citadel and the Council, First Human Spectre. She was simply a person hurt and in love, looking for comfort and support from a friend.

“Love sometimes makes us do things we later regret.” He said with a sigh.

“Huh. That’s the understatement of the century.” Shepard leaned back, copying Jacob’s position on the bench. Jacob tilted his head to get a better look at her. She was one of the most beautiful people he had ever met. Her hair had dried and the curls in her hair seemed to shrink a few inches. A few strands of hair had escaped her ponytail and the tight coils framed her face perfectly. Absent mindedly, he reached out to brush some of the hair behind her ear. The soft brush of his fingers against her skin caused her to turn to look at him. Her normally bright gaze had turned into something darker but not wholly unpleasant.

“Thank you.” Shepard said so quietly Jacob barely heard her over the hum of the drive core.

“For what?” He questioned. His thumb began slowly tracing small circles on the small patch of skin behind her ear. He watched as she closed her eyes and relaxed into his touch.

“For listening to me whine and cry.” She gave a small laugh, opened her eyes and continued. “It’s nice to know someone is willing to listen. I should go. I still have a few reports to file.” She reached up and slowly removed his hand from her neck. She grabbed her gloves and rose to leave. As she reached the elevator, she turned to look at Jacob who was still sitting on the bench, his elbows on his knees.

“Oh and thanks for having EDI turn off the cameras and mics down here. It’s nice to know The Illusive Man, Miranda, and whoever else won’t have recordings of my mini emotional breakdowns.”

By the time he turned around to ask her how she knew, she was in the elevator and gone. All he could do was smile at the space she once occupied. Yes, Shepard was different. The kind of different that Jacob didn’t mind getting to know a bit better.


	4. Attraction

There was always mutual attraction and quite a bit of sexual tension between Esperanza and Jacob. They both knew it was there but had agreed to keep things professional for the sake of the mission. Ever since that night in the shuttle bay after Horizon, it became increasingly harder for the both of them to keep that promise. Shepard was used to being the one caring for and giving to others. She was used to listening to other people’s problems and helping them solve them. It was rare for anyone to really just sit and let her vent. It may seem like a tiny thing to anyone else, but for her it meant the world.

In the days that passed, Shepard found it increasingly hard to sleep. Not because of the nightmares she usually had but because of dreams of a more distracting nature. They would always start the same way. A large, calloused hand lightly caressing her neck and Jacob’s familiar deep voice in her ear. He would step up behind her, his body flush with hers and describe in explicit detail every single thing he wanted to do to her. His other hand would travel to her waist, slip under her shirt, and slowly caress her stomach. His hand would travel very slowly up her torso, before stopping right below her breast.

“Do you want me to stop?” Jacob would ask her, his hand so tantalizingly close to where she needed it so badly.

“No,” would always be her breathless reply.

“Ask me nicely,” he would say as his grip on her neck tightened ever so slightly.

Shepard could feel her knees going weak. His commanding presence never failed to turn her on. At this point her chest would begin to heave rapidly and she could barely get out her reply. “Please. Please don’t stop. I need you.”

“Good girl.” He would smile, kiss just the right spot on her neck, and begin to move his hand to cup her breast. Right when he’s about to give her nipple the attention she so desired, the dream would end. Shepard would wake up hot, horny, panting, and pissed off at a dream that ended entirely too early.

* * *

 

“Fuck that god damn dream.” Shepard murmured to herself while grabbing a cup of coffee in the mess hall. They had finally gotten everyone from the dossiers and were now focussing on upgrading the ship. As the Suicide Mission got closer, the crew started coming to Shepard with personal missions. She figured it was their way of tying up loose ends and saying what could be their last goodbyes. They were currently headed to Bekenstein to steal back a graybox for Kasumi. Esperanza had the feeling she would feel right at home on this mission. What the general public and most of the Alliance military didn’t know was some of her early N7 missions dealt with stealth and infiltration. Some of those missions were so highly classified she doubted even Anderson or her mother knew about them.

“Why so grumpy Shep?” Kasumi said, uncloaking right beside Shepard. The first few times she did that, Kasumi succeeded in scaring the hell out of Shepard. She’d done it so many times that now Shepard could sometimes hear her coming.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m hoping coffee will make me feel human again.”

“Aw, what happened? Bad dream?” Kasumi hopped up on the counter and grabbed an apple out of a nearby bowl.

“Not a bad dream per se,” Shepard said staring into her now half empty mug. “It was a dream. A very distracting dream.”

“Ooooh! Were you dreaming about your _boyfriend_ Jacob?”

“He is not my boyfriend!” Shepard said very quickly.

“Really? Then why are you blushing?” Kasumi smiled and bit into her apple.

“I hate you Kasumi.”

“Love you too Shep!” Kasumi began to laugh and Shepard couldn’t help but smile herself. The elevator doors swished open and both women looked up as Jacob walked into the mess hall.

“What did I miss?” Jacob plucked an orange out of the bowl and stood on the other side of Shepard. The temperature in the room seemed to go up ten degrees and Shepard blushed even deeper. This caused Kasumi to laugh even harder.

“Speak a word Kasumi and you can go pick up that graybox by yourself.” Shepard said trying her hardest to keep a straight face.

“You secret is safe with me Shep!” Kasumi hopped off the counter, still giggling to herself, and started to walk back to port observation. She got to the tables before turning back around to look at Shepard and Jacob. “Oh Shep! Do you need an outfit for the mission tonight?”

“No, I have something. I’ll be ready.” With that, Kasumi turned back and went into port observation. Esperanza took a seat at one of the nearby tables, still nursing a half empty cup of coffee.

“Outfit?” Jacob asked, throwing away the last bit of the orange peel.

“Yeah, in order to get her graybox I have to infiltrate a party. Should be a lot of fun.”

“You’ve done these types of missions before?” Jacob took the seat across from her and began eating his orange.

“Here and there. Mostly before I got command of the first Normandy. I always liked them. They gave me opportunities to dress up and attend rich people’s parties for free.” Shepard said with a small laugh.

“You planning on dressing up for this mission?”

“Yep,” said Shepard grabbing one of his orange slices. “I have the perfect outfit in mind.”

“Oh really,” Jacob said quirking an eyebrow. “Can I take a look?”

“Nope. You’ll have to wait to see when I leave for the mission.” Shepard popped the orange slice in her mouth and rose to put her cup away. “Speaking of the mission, I need to go get ready.”

“Now? I thought the mission wasn’t until tonight?”

“It is. It’s gonna take a while to get my hair done though. Can’t have anyone recognizing ‘Commander Shepard’.”

“You’re a very recognizable woman Shepard. It’s gonna take more than a new hairdo for people to not know who you are.” Jacob said with a small smile.

“You’d be surprised what wonders a new hairdo and some makeup could accomplish.” Shepard said, smiling, as she walked towards the elevator.

“You sure you don’t need some extra backup?”

“We’ll be fine Jacob but thanks for asking.” Shepard got in the elevator and went up to her cabin.

* * *

 

It took her hours to wash, detangle, and straighten her hair. She decided against doing anything too complicated with it and just kept her hair parted down the middle, her now straightened hair flowing down her back. For a dress, she chose her favorite black cocktail dress. It had a deep V neckline, thin straps, and multiple panels down the body of the dress that hugged her figure like a glove. She chose her favorite pair of vintage Christian Louboutin heels. They were made of black suede and had multiple mesh cutouts. She kept her makeup simple, deciding on a smoky eye and a dark red lipstick. To finish off the outfit, she wore a pair of white gold and diamond earrings she picked up on Illium and a thin silver necklace with an angel wing pendant that her father got her before he died. By the time she got her outfit together, it was time for her to head down to the shuttle bay to meet Kasumi.

When she got to the shuttle bay, Shepard was surprised to see that most of the crew had come down to see them off. They were all talking amongst themselves and hadn’t heard the elevator doors open or seen her get off. The first person to spot her was Jacob. When he saw her, they both froze. After a tense moment, he made his way over to her.

“Damn Shepard. When you’re right, you’re damn right.” Jacob said, slowly looking her up and down.

“What do you mean?”

“Earlier you told me a new hairdo and some makeup could work wonders. You were right.” Jacob locked eyes with her and smiled. “You’re beautiful on a normal day but I’ll be damned if you don’t look absolutely stunning right now.”

“Thank you,” said Shepard. She smiled and blushed a bit. “It’s nice to know I haven’t lost my touch.”

“Hey lovebirds! Could you stop eye fucking each other and get the fuck over here already?” Jack’s voice startled them both and they laughed and looked over to where the rest of the group was standing. Apparently, the crew had been watching them the entire time they were talking.

“Um, question,” Shepard said, still giggling from Jack’s outburst. “Just why in the hell are so many of you down here anyway?”

“Seeing you in a dress was something none of us could pass up.” said Tali

“I have to admit, you do clean up quite nicely.” said Garrus, his face plates quirked up in a smile.

“Why thank you very much!” Shepard said. “One of these days I’m gonna take you on an infiltration mission just to see what you look like in a suit.”

“Promises, promises.”

“I’m just here for the blackmail material. Never know when you’re gonna need it.” Jack said as she snapped pictures with her omnitool.

“I love you too Jack.” Shepard said, shaking her head.

“Come on Shep! We don’t wanna be late. If you’re lucky, they might have some birthday cake.” Kasumi said with a smile, hopping into the shuttle.

“Birthday cake?” Jacob asked, walking with her to the shuttle.

“Don’t tell anybody,” Shepard said in a theatrical whisper, “but today is actually my birthday. Still not sure how old I am though. I’m either 29 or 31. I’m not sure if I should count the years I was dead.”

“Huh. So you’re either one year older than me or three years older than me. That’s kinda surprising actually.”

“What’s wrong Jacob?” Shepard said stopping beside the shuttle door. She smirked and leaned in, making sure no one else could hear them. “I thought you liked older women.” She then kissed him on the cheek and got in the shuttle before he could react.

“Not your boyfriend, huh?”

“Shut up and drive Kasumi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/shepard_crashes_party/set?id=118933651


	5. Follow Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be part of the last chapter but it got entirely too long so I split it into two.

Infiltrating the party was easy, so was getting the graybox. The hard part turned out to be getting out of the party. Donovan Hock threw everything he had at them. The worst part of the fight was on the landing platform. Endless waves of mercs and mechs attacked Kasumi and Shepard and they even had an appearance from Mr. Hock himself in a gunship. Luckily, Kasumi had the brilliant idea of smuggling in Shepard’s weapons and armor in a “present” they got for Hock. Shepard was very grateful by the time they got the the landing platform to not be fighting in a cocktail dress and heels.

On the shuttle ride back, Kasumi explained that the graybox belonged to her former partner Keiji. She also told her that it had sensitive information about the Alliance but she didn’t know exactly what it was. Shepard could tell that the memories of Keiji were more precious to her than anything about the Alliance. She convinced her to keep it but made a note to talk to Thane. If anyone could warn her against the dangers of losing themselves in a memory, it would be him.

Once they were back, Shepard headed straight to her cabin. She was in desperate need of a shower and even though she didn’t mind straight hair, she really missed her curls. After a much needed shower, Shepard put on a comfortable pair of shorts and a black tank top. She went over to her private terminal and played one of her favorite 21st century artists, Jhene Aiko. Her calming voice always soothed Shepard after a tough day. As she relaxed on the couch to the sound of her favorite song, Stay Ready (What A Life), EDI let her know that Jacob was requesting entry into her cabin.

“Let him in EDI.” Shepard straightened up on the couch and watched as the doors opened to reveal Jacob standing in the doorway with two large chocolate cupcakes.

“Happy Birthday Shepard!” Jacob said, walking down to the small living area to sit beside Shepard on the couch.

“Two questions,” said Shepard as she reached for one of the cupcakes in his hand. “Where did you get those cupcakes and how did you know chocolate was my favorite?”

“Two answers,” Jacob replied settling back on the couch. “While you and Kasumi were crashing a party, I ordered take-out and you told me how much you loved chocolate the last time we talked up here.”

“Nice to know you’re paying attention. Thank you very much for the perfect birthday present.”

“Not a problem Shepard. Everyone deserves something nice on their birthday.” They both took a bite from their cupcakes and ate in silence for a while.

“Oh! This is so good!” Shepard said. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, savoring the taste of the cupcake.

“You know, if someone didn’t know any better they’d assume you were having an orgasm over a cupcake,” said Jacob. He was very aware of the effect the moan she let out had on his body. He very much wanted to see if he could get her to make that sound over and over again.

“Well that person wouldn’t know me very well then.” Shepard turned her head to look at Jacob. She liked the dark look in his eye. “I never have orgasms over food and I’m never that loud when I do have one. Huh. Speaking of orgasms, that would make one hell of a birthday present.”

“Really now?” Jacob said, putting his cupcake down on the table and turning to face her fully.

“Uh huh. I haven’t had the pleasure of an orgasm in a very long time.” Shepard leaned back against the couch, closed her eyes and took a breath. She could feel Jacob’s eyes on her and smiled at the thought of him being the one to grant her birthday wish.

When Jacob spoke next, his voice was right next to her ear, his lips brushing against her skin. “If that’s what you really want Esperanza, I’ll happily grant that wish.”

“Are you really offering Jacob or is this the type of flirtation that’s gonna lead nowhere?”

He took her chin in his hand and turned her head so she could look him in the eye. “Does it look like I’m joking?”

“What happened to keeping things professional?” Shepard said, never breaking eye contact with him.

“I think you and I both know that was never gonna work.”

“When you’re right, you’re right.” Shepard bridged the small gap between them and kissed him. The kiss started out light, almost exploratory but deepened after a few moments. A few frantic moments later she found herself straddling Jacob’s lap, her hands under his shirt exploring the chest and abs she’d been daydreaming about for months. Jacob had one hand in her still damp hair and another on her ass. Eventually they both had to come up for air.

“Bed. Now.” said Jacob, lifting her up like she weighed next to nothing and carrying her over to the bed. He dropped her down on the mattress and she quickly removed what little clothing she had on while Jacob removed his also. Within moments he joined her on the bed. Either Jacob was a very quick learner or just his touch could set Esperanza on fire. Everywhere he kissed and touched turned her on more than she thought possible. She was left feeling like it was all too much but not enough at the same time.

Eventually, she noticed he started to make his way down. He kissed a trail down to her breast, teasing every inch of it before finally giving her nipple some attention. The first lick caused her to arch into him, a suck caused her to let out a low moan. He lightly grazed his teeth across her nipple and then bit down lightly. That caused her to let out a loud moan that reverberated around the cabin.

“I thought you said you weren’t loud?” Jacob said, lifting his head to look at her.

“That wasn’t an orgasm so it doesn’t count,” was Shepard’s breathless reply. Jacob just laughed and picked up right where he left off. He gave the other breast the same attention before moving even lower. He gently parted her legs open, kissed, sucked, and licked his way down one thigh and did the same to the other. Once he got back to the center, he stopped.

“Tell me what you want.” Jacob said, his voice so deep and quiet she barely heard him.

“Please.”

“That’s not what I said. Tell me what you want Esperanza.”

“You. I want you. I need you.” Shepard reached down to run her fingers through the short hair on his head. Jacob smiled to himself and slowly licked around her clit, down to her opening, and back up again. Shepard arched up and tried to buck her hips but Jacob was holding her hips down with his left arm. With his right hand he inserted one finger into her, then two, then three, slowly stretching her out while his mouth concentrated on her clit. In minutes he had her coming harder than she had in years.

“FUCK!” Shepard said as Jacob made his way back up her body.

“Once again, I thought you said you weren’t loud.”

“So maybe I lied a little bit. Or a lot.” At that, they both laughed. Jacob leaned down to kiss her deeply.

“Condoms?”

“Nightstand. Top drawer.” Jacob reached over, grabbed a condom, and put it on in what seemed like record time. He positioned himself right at the entrance to her pussy and then looked back up at her.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.” He took his time sliding into her. Once he was finally fully sheathed in her, they both let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. He pulled back out just as slowly and then quickly slammed back in. He lost himself in the sound of the sharp gasps and low moans she let out every time he moved against her. The feel of her hands on his back, fingernails digging into his skin as she begged him for more drove him closer to the edge. He rolled them over and allowed her to control the pace. He reached down and found her swollen nub, still sensitive from the attention he gave it earlier. He moved his thumb in quick circles around it, speeding her towards a second orgasm. When Shepard came, she came hard and loud. She leaned forward, biting down on Jacob’s shoulder in an attempt to muffle her moan. He immediately reached up, grabbed her hair and pulled her head back.

“No. I want to hear you.” He grabbed her hips and held her still while he drove into her at a frantic pace. Her moans in his ear and her warm, wet pussy pulsating around his cock drove him to a powerful orgasm. Once it was over, Jacob relaxed his grip on Shepard and she slumped against his chest, both completely spent. After a moment, Shepard rolled off of Jacob and the threw the used condom in the trashcan beside the bed. He pulled her against him, her back flush against his chest, and softly kissed her shoulder.

“Shit,” said Shepard with a sleepy smile. “Happy birthday to me.”

“I feel like I got a present and it ain’t even my birthday.” Jacob said with a laugh.


	6. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long to get out mostly because life hates me. I'm getting this out before something else goes wrong.

Jacob didn’t leave Esperanza’s cabin until well after breakfast the next morning. Once he was gone and she was finally able to take a shower without the enjoyable distraction that was Jacob, she started to think about what had just happened. They’d had a conversation before about keeping things “strictly professional” but that was obviously out of the window now. After the way things went down with Ashley, Shepard just felt like she wasn’t really ready for anything too serious. Having an alternate means of releasing stress would be very nice but a relationship was just out of the question. She could only hope Jacob would be on the same page and this wouldn’t affect their professional relationship.

After ordering a few new armor and weapon upgrades and talking to Mordin, Shepard headed into the armory. She took her usual spot on the table behind Jacob and watched him work for a while. She watched as he skillfully disassembled the pistol, installed the new mod, and reassembled it. Her mind drifted back to the night before when those same hands just as skillfully navigated her body.

“Are you gonna sit there and stare at me all day or did you want to talk about something?” Jacob’s voice startled Shepard out of the beginnings of a very pleasant daydream.

“Well I did want to talk to you but you are very distracting.”

“Oh really,” Jacob said as he turned around and took a step towards Shepard. “ Am I a good or bad distraction?”

“A good one. A very, _very_ good one.” Shepard smiled and hopped down off of the table. “As much as I would love to continue this line of questioning, we really do need to talk.”

“Uh oh. Nothing good ever follows that phrase.” Jacob started towards the small table near the window that overlooked the drive core and Shepard followed close behind. While his voice was light and joking, Shepard saw in his face that he was slightly nervous about the talk they were about to have.

“It’s nothing too bad, I promise.” Shepard said taking a seat at the table. “I just felt like we needed to clarify a few things after last night.”

“I was feeling the same way actually.” Jacob said, taking the seat across from her.

“Great minds think alike.” Shepard said with a small smile. She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts then took a breath and continued. “I’m just gonna be straight with you, I’m not looking for a serious relationship. After everything with Ashley, _waking up_ , and this suicide mission, I honestly don’t think I could handle that. I’m not in the right frame of mind to really dedicate myself to a relationship. If that’s what you’re looking for then we need to end this, whatever it is, now before anyone gets hurt or the mission gets compromised.”

Jacob was very quiet after Shepard’s mini-speech. She didn’t want to be too blunt and hurt him, but he had been open and honest with her from day one and she felt like he deserved the same from her. Just when she was beginning to worry that she had seriously messed up whatever friendship they had, he cracked a small smile and began to chuckle.

“Why exactly are you laughing right now?”

“I’m just amazed at how you were able to articulate the exact thing I’ve been thinking for the past three hours.”

“Oh fuck! Don’t scare me like that!” Shepard said with a relieved smile as she reached across the table to smack Jacob on the arm. He flinched and started to laugh even harder.

“Why the hell would my laughing scare you?”

“Haven’t you seen any horror movies? People always start randomly laughing before they snap and kill someone!”

“You’re weird Esperanza,” Jacob replied, his laughter finally dying down. “So, if this isn’t a relationship, what is it?”

“I feel kinda juvenile for using the phrase but, friends with benefits?” Shepard bit her bottom lip and looked away from him. It was the first time Jacob had ever seen Shepard look nervous about anything. He thought she looked kind of cute. “I mean, that’s if you want the benefits part.”

“I do,” said Jacob. “However, if we’re gonna do this we should probably set some ground rules.”

“That is a wonderful idea. Well, we’re obviously not exclusive so if either of us wants to pursue an outside relationship, we should be able to do so.”

“Ok, that’s good. Also honesty above everything. I’m not interested in losing a friend over this.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” said Shepard as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “Since we’re talking about honesty, I think another major thing is we should be honest about how we feel.”

“What do you mean?” Jacob said, a look of slight confusion crossing his face.

“I mean if either of us starts to feel anything other than friendship for the other, we should speak up. That way we can reevaluate our arrangement before anyone gets hurt.”

“Ok, that’s only fair.” Jacob sat back in his chair, mirroring Shepard’s position and thought over his current situation. If anyone had told him only a few short years ago that his commanding officer would be the Esperanza Shepard and that they’d be sitting together setting rules on how to fuck each other, he would’ve suggested that person seek medical help asap. It was an odd situation to be in, but he had no complaints. “I think there’s one more though. Seeing as how we’re on a suicide mission, we can’t let what we do in the bedroom affect what happens on the ground.”

“Definitely,” said Shepard, finally letting a serious look color her features. “The mission is too important to let this mess it up.”

“I agree. As long as we’re adults about the situation we shouldn’t have a problem.”

Shepard smiled and was about to reply when a ping from her omnitool interrupted her. Jacob watched her as she read the message taking note of the frown that seemed to deepen with every line.

“Is everything ok?” Jacob asked.

“Yeah,” Shepard said after a brief moment of silence. “Tali wants to talk to me about something and I can practically hear her nervousness through the screen. It must be damn important too if she went through my private channel and not Chambers.”

Shepard closed her omnitool and started towards the door. “I’m gonna go check on Tali. I’ll check in with you later, ok?”

“Not a problem Shepard. Oh, there’s one more thing I want to do before you go.” Jacob got up from his seat and walked over to Shepard. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a slow, sweet kiss. Just as Shepard moved to deepen it, he pulled back and smiled at her. “See you tonight?”

“Uh huh.”


	7. Loyalty Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I've finally updated! This took a while because life got in the way and I wanted to completely re-work Jacob's loyalty mission. It's one of the things I absolutely hated so I've tweaked it quite a bit. I hope you all enjoy!

The only thing Esperanza could think about on the elevator ride down to Engineering was Jacob's kiss. Jacob was a very, _very_ good kisser. She was close to getting completely lost in thought when Tali's nervous demeanor snapped her back to the present. It turned out that Tali was being accused of treason by the Quarian Admiralty Board and was in real danger of being exiled from the Flotilla. Shepard had Joker head to the Flotilla immediately. She wasn't about to let her friend be accused of a crime she didn't commit.

After a meeting with the Admiralty Board, Shepard, Tali, and Garrus learned the real reason for the trial; politics. The Quarians, and the Admiralty Board, were pretty much split down the middle on whether or not they should attempt to take back their homeworld from the Geth. Tali was just a pawn for both sides, her guilt or innocence didn't matter at all. The whole farce of a trial only served to piss Shepard off and remind her why she hated politics and politicians so much.

When they heard Tali's father was involved in this, they decided to take back the Alarei to determine what really happened to him. After a long, hard fight against activated Geth that should have never been on the ship, they learned the truth. Tali's father was building Geth from the parts that Tali sent him to test weapons on them. He wanted to take back the homeworld so bad that he used his daughter to further that goal. The evidence they found on the Alarei's bridge could have easily cleared Tali's name but it would have indicted her father.

Tali begged Esperanza not to show that evidence to the Admiralty Board. Even after all he'd done, Tali still loved her father and wanted to protect him. Esperanza knew what it felt like to lose a father. She also knew what it felt like to want to protect family at all costs. That was why, when they finally found the evidence to clear Tali's name, Shepard decided against using it. She wasn't about to drag Tali's father's name through the mud to exhonerate her in a trial that never should have happened in the first place. Instead, she was going to do what she did best; force the Admiralty board and everyone else to see the truth of the situation.

That was how, hours later, Tali, Garrus, Jacob, Kasumi, and Esperanza sat in the port observation deck drinking sugary sweet cocktails and watching the video Garrus had taken of Shepard yelling at the admirals for the 5th time.

"I still can't believe you did that Shepard!" Tali said, giggling and slurring her words together. She was only a quarter of the way through drink number two but she was already three sheets to the wind. She was currently leaning heavily on Garrus (who stood beside her at the bar) while trying to insert her "emergency induction port" into the right hole.

"Well I can definitely believe it." Garrus said, his voice tinged with amusement. "We all know how much she hates politics and politicians. It was only a matter of time before she snapped. I'm just shocked she never punched Udina."

"Garrus has a point Shepard. How have you refrained from decking him?" Jacob asked, leaning against the window with a drink in his hand. Shepard was seated on the couch directly in front of him.

"Simple," said Shepard with a smirk. "Anderson beat me to it." That drew a laugh from both Tali and Garrus with the former spilling the remainder of her drink all over her envirosuit.

"Ok Tali, I think you've had enough. Time for bed." Garrus helped her up and guided her to the door while she grumbled incoherently about being an adult the whole time.

"Odd, I didn't even put that much alcohol in her drinks." Kasumi said, tilting her head to the side. Shepard laughed loud and clear. She couldn't remember the last time everything felt so, normal. It felt good to just sit around and drink and laugh with friends.

"Tali could never hold her liquor. Remind me to tell you later about Tali getting drunk at Flux and trying to do the Cupid Shuffle on the dance floor." Shepard stood and stretched while Jacob and Kasumi stared at her blankly trying to figure out if she was joking or not. "Right now, I need to figure out what the fuck our next mission is gonna be while I'm still semi-sober and get some sleep."

"Um, Shepard? Can I speak to you about something, in private?" Jacob looked uncharacteristically nervous as he stepped up beside her. Shepard thought something had been off with him the whole night. Normally he'd be right in the middle of everything, full of jokes and easy laughs. Tonight though he was quiet, spending most of the time looking out the window into space or on his omni-tool.

"Sure Jacob. Come on, we can talk in my cabin." The elevator ride up to Shepard's cabin seemed to take forever. The silence between them was unusually thick. She knew whatever he wanted to talk about was weighing on him. She hated seeing someone she cared about so distressed. When the elevator finally stopped at the top, they both got out and made their way down to couch. Shepard was quiet as she watched Jacob fumble with his omni-tool. She wouldn't push him to talk; he'd open up to her on his own time. A ping on her own omni-tool drew her attention. It was a message from Jacob.

"What's this?"

"A copy of the message that was sent to me while you were with the Quarians. I thought it was nothing at first. A message sent to the wrong Cerberus operative. Most of the tech and medical jargon went completely over my head. There were two phrases though, two names, that caught my attention; the MSV Hugo Gernsback and _Captain_ Ronald Taylor." Jacob sighed and ran his hands over his head finally clasping them behind his neck.

"Ok, start from the beginning. Who is Ronald Taylor? I'm guessing you two are related?" Shepard brought a knee up on the couch so she could face him. She wanted Jacob to know he had her full attention.

"He's my dad. I thought he…" Jacob sighed and leaned back in his seat, looking out the window above Shepard's bed. "Ten years ago, the MSV Hugo Gernsback went missing. Everyone on that ship was presumed dead, dad included. Mom and I had a funeral for him. The casket was empty but it was a funeral. A year later I had to bury my mom beside that empty casket."

"Jacob, I'm so sorry." Shepard knew the platitudes would do little to make him feel better, but she couldn't stop herself from saying them. Jacob rose and begun to pace the area between her bed and the stairs.

"It took me months to accept he was dead. I've been ok with that for years, but now? FUCK!" Jacob's biotics flared and he slammed his fist against the fishtank. Before she knew what she was doing, Shepard rose from her seat and wrapped her arms around his waist. Jacob was known for having strict control of his biotics. Shepard knew that this was hitting him hard if it was causing him to flare. After a few tense moments, Jacob turned so he could return the hug. Shepard could feel his voice vibrating in his chest as he began to speak again.

"Yesterday, I was sure he was dead and I'd never see him again. Today I get a message saying a lost ship sent out a distress signal and a bunch of documents talking about some fucked up experiments Cerberus was doing involving the Gernsback's crew and the local plants. Why now Esperanza? Why now?" His voice cracked and Shepard's heart broke for him. Jacob was normally very guarded about his personal life. He was showing a lot of trust in her by opening up like this and she didn't want to let him down.

"I don't know who sent this to you or why, but I promise you we're gonna get some answers. We're heading to Aeia to check out the crash site asap. We'll work out who sent the message after we get some more info on what happened to your dad and the Gernsback."

"We? What?" Jacob broke the hug and took a step back, confusion etched on his face.

"Yes, we. You don't have to do this alone Jacob. I'm here to help you. Whatever you need, just ask." Jacob was struck speechless by Shepard's desire to help him. He thought maybe she'd help him trace who sent the message but never dreamed she'd divert from their mission to go to the crash site. This was the first time in a long time he'd opened up to someone and he knew then his trust was well placed.

"Thank you so much Esperanza. I-" He stopped himself before he said something he might end up regretting later and kissed her. This kiss was different from the other many kisses they'd shared. They both knew something had shifted in their _arrangement_. They would definitely have to talk about it at some point but tonight was not the night for that. Jacob broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. "I should probably go."

"Stay. Please." Shepard whispered.

"Ok." Jacob took her hand and walked over to the bed. They both removed their shoes and then crawled up into bed; Shepard's back curling comfortably into Jacob's chest. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her in close, placed a kiss at the base of her neck beside her amp port, and held her until he fell asleep. Sleep didn't come as easy for Shepard. She laid in bed long after Jacob had fallen asleep listening to the calming sound of his deep breaths. She could feel herself falling for him and knew there wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it. Even if she could stop it, she wasn't quite sure that she wanted to.


	8. Loyalty Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a complete overhaul of the disastrous loyalty mission in the game. I think it works better as a non-combat, but more emotional scene. Let me know what you think!

Aeia was hell from start to finish. The shuttle dropped them off just south of the Gernsback. They could see the hulking figure of the ship and the parts that broke off during impact. A few feet away from them stood a distress VI that repeatedly blinked on and off. As they walked up to it, they could see why the image was so scrambled.

“It looks like it broke in half and someone who knows little about tech tried to re-wire it.” Tali said, examining the base of the beacon.

“Here’s the question: Was it broken by accident, or did someone intentionally sabotage it?” Shepard said while examining the beacon herself.

Jacob walked a few steps ahead of them to get a closer look at the Gernsback. “I don’t like how this looks Shepard.”

“Neither do I.”

“Jacob! Shepard! I think I got something here,” said Tali. Both Shepard and Jacob came back to meet her. “I couldn’t fix the audio output for the VI, so I just downloaded what information I could. Here.”

Tali transferred the information she had downloaded to their omnitools.

“These look like captain’s logs,” said Shepard scanning through the information. “It looks like there was some type of explosion and the captain died leaving your dad as acting captain.”

“I wonder what caused the explosion,” Jacob asked. 

“I guess we’ll find out once we get to the crash site.”

A few meters down from the beacon was the shell of the Gernsback. It looked mostly in tact, save for one massive hole on the starboard side of the ship.

“What the hell happened here?” Shepard asked

“That’s odd,” Tali said “the metal is turned inward, not blown out.”

“What does that mean?” Jacob asked, turning to look at Tali.

“It means that the explosion happened outside of the ship, not inside.”

“This wasn’t an accident,” Shepard said.

While searching the Gernsback, they found more captain’s logs slowly explaining the situation. The ship’s technical analysts and the captain had all died in the blast. The provisions they had were relatively untouched, so Ronald Taylor put the crew on emergency rations and went to find the distress beacon. That’s when he discovered that the beacon had been broken. He had suspicions it had be sabotaged.

“Tali, what do you think?” Shepard asked. “Was the beacon damaged on purpose?”

“Definitely. The cut to the metal surrounding the wires was too clean to be an accident.”

“Shit,” Jacob said. “Now we have to figure out who did it and why?”

“Let’s keep going.”

Deeper inside the Gernsback, they found scientific logs detailing the planet’s flora and fauna. The vegetation was deemed edible, but they didn’t know the effect of it. That was, until they were running low on supplies and Ronald decided to try Aeia’s vegetation. The scientists decided to keep an eye on him just to make sure it was safe. They studied him for a year and found nothing of concern. By year two, more people started eating it. Year three was when everything changed.

Slowly, Ronald and the others who started eating the vegetation when he did started developing signs of deterioration. Memory loss, loss of motor functions, and loss of eyesight. People became shells of themselves. They eventually died. In his last captain’s log, Ronald detailed how he could no longer remember what his wife and son looked like and other memories were starting to fade. He gave the last of his ship rations to crew not infected in the hopes that help would come before they too succumbed to the poison.

“Fuck. He’s dead.”

“We don’t know--” Shepard started, but was interrupted by Jacob..

“Yes we do! If he wasn’t dead he’d still be writing these logs.”

“Wait a moment,” Tali said. “In this last one, he mentions a settlement a few meters north of here. Maybe your father is there.”

“Come on Jacob,” Shepard said, staring directly in his eyes. She could see the pain of a reopened wound there. One that wouldn’t heal as easy this time.

As they walked along a pathway, they noticed a clearing on a hill with many small mounds. As they got closer, they could see planks of wood on top of the mounds.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.” Tali said. Shepard took a step closer to one of the nearest mounds.

“Yes, it is. These are graves of the crew.”

“Fuck.” Jacob said, taking a step back.

“Come on,” said Shepard. “Let’s go to this settlement.”

They walked on in near silence until, at last, they saw a few tents in the distance.

“That must be the settlement mentioned in the log.” said Shepard.

“Let’s go get some answers,” said Jacob going off ahead of the two women.

There were only a few mechs guarding the settlement, but luckily they recognized Shepard, Tali, and Jacob as humanoid and didn’t fire. The human they met there wasn’t as welcoming. A human popped out of one of the tents and fired a stray shot that buzzed past Tali’s arm.

“Who are you?! What are you doing here?!” Jacob and Tali immediately raised their guns, but Shepard raised her hands in a non-threatening way.

“We came in response to the distress beacon? Did you set it off?” said Shepard.

“Ye-- Yes. I did.” The man slowly lowered his weapon and the tension drained from him. Jacob and Tali also lowered their weapons but kept a close eye on him.

“Can you tell us who you are?” The man began to pace back and forth, never letting go of the gun.

“Charles. My name is Charles.”

“Okay Charles, we know the distress beacon was intentionally compromised. Can you tell us who did it?” said Shepard taking a small step towards him. She quickly glanced over at Jacob to let him know that she was okay.

“It was-- I mean, I--” Charles’ pacing became more frantic and he scratched his head with the barrel of the gun.

“Did you do this?” Jacob said angrily. Shepard looked over and saw a thin blue barrier covering his skin. She knew then he was on a razor’s edge. Charles’ answer would tip him one way or the other.

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“BULLSHIT! WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE!” Jacob exclaimed, taking a few steps towards Charles.

“Wait!” Shepard said, going over to Jacob and pulling him back. “We don’t even know what happened yet. Let the man speak and then we can figure out what to do with him, okay?”

“Yeah.”Jacobs biotics were back under control, but the tension hadn’t drained from his shoulders.

“What happened Charles? Give us the whole story.”

“I work for Cerberus. They wanted to test the viability of this planet for human colonization. Alliance wouldn’t do it. ‘Too far out in the Terminus System’ they said. So we did. They disabled the ship and had it crash land here. My job was to disable the beacon so we’d eventually have to eat the plant life.” The whole time Charles paced back and forth, gun waving frantically in his gesticulating hands. Shepard moved her hand from Jacob’s elbow to his hand, rubbing her thumb along the back of his hand.

“They weren’t supposed to kill anyone! They were supposed to go for the engines, not the body of the ship! They told us it was safe! It was supposed to be safe!”

“Well they fucking lied and where does that leave you now?” Jacob said as he relaxed the clenched fist in Shepard’s hand.

“I-- I can’t do it. I did this. I killed all these people. I killed my wife! I deserve to die.” Charles brought the gun up to his head, finger on the trigger. Reacting faster that both Jacob and Tali, Shepard flared her biotics and put him in a stasis field before he could pull the trigger.

“What you’ve done is horrible; possibly unforgivable. However, I won’t see you condemned to death for it. You need to be brought to justice.” Shepard said as she walked over to Charles and removed the gun from his hand. “Joker, were you listening?”

“Yeah, I was.” came the solemn reply from the pilot.

“Use the secure line to send the feed to Anderson. He’ll have the closest Alliance ship come pick him up. Jacob, do you have cuffs on you?”

“Yes.” Jacob replied. He gave the cuffs to Shepard and then set off towards the makeshift cemetery they saw earlier.

“Should we go get him?” Tali asked.

“No. Let him have some space."


	9. Friends No More

A week later, Jacob sought out Shepard after his chat with The Illusive Man. He found her in the CIC looking at the Galaxy Map.

“Hey Shepard? Can I speak with you in private?”

“Sure. Come on.” Shepard led him to the elevator and pressed the button for her cabin. As soon as the doors closed, Jacob let out a harsh breath. Once they arrived at the cabin, he took a seat on the couch and put his head between his hands.

After a few seconds, Shepard saw his shoulders shake. She silently sat beside him, put an arm around his shoulders, and held him as he cried. Minutes passed and when he was done, he looked up at her with a tear streaked face and red eyes. Shepard’s heart broke for him. He lost his father not once, but twice.

“You know, it hurts worse the second time around. Knowing he wasted away so far from home, memories of me and mom gone… I just--” Jacob sighed and leaned back on the couch.

“Nothing I say could possibly make it better, but you know I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“Thank you.”

“How did your chat with The Illusive Man go?” asked Shepard.

“You know he had the fucking nerve to say he ‘didn’t authorize’ that ‘experiment’? He swore he had no idea it even happened.”

“Huh. For someone in charge of everything, he always seems to know nothing. Bastard.” Shepard looked over at Jacob to find him staring at her intensely. His gaze seemed to pierce into her soul.

“What’s on your mind?” Shepard whispered.

“We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Our arrangement.” Jacob said. Shepard felt this coming the night he opened up about his father. If she guessed right, and she usually always did, he wanted the same thing she did.

“I have a feeling we both want the same change.”

“If that change involves us going from friends to something more, then yes. We want the same thing. But I’m not too sure.”

“Will this answer your question?” Shepard leaned in and kissed him slow and sweet. Jacob pulled her into his lap and flicked his tongue across her bottom lip, asking for entry. She granted him access and they deepened the kiss, taking their time to slowly savor the taste of one another. Jacob broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers, staring deep into her eyes.

“I have to ask. Are you doing this because you want this, want me, or are you just feeling vulnerable and want someone to lean on?” Shepard said.

“I’m gonna be honest, it’s a little bit of both. Well, it’s a lot of one and a small bit of the other.”

“Explain,” said Shepard as she leaned away from him slightly. Jacob kept a firm hold on her hips so she couldn’t go too far.

“I want you Esperanza. I want every bit of you, heart, mind, and soul. I think I have for months now, but I just now realized it. Yes, I am emotionally vulnerable right now. That’s to be expected considering what I just went through. All that’s done though, is made me realize how much I care for you.”

“Damn.” was all Shepard could say. So she chose to show her appreciation in actions. She kissed him again, this time hard and demanding. Jacob gave as good as he got. Shepard started to grind down on his rapidly hardening cock and Jacob moaned out loud.

“Bed. Now.” Jacob lifted her like she weighed nothing and deposited her on the bed. She removed her clothing in record time as he went to the nightstand to grab a condom. He removed his clothing, piece by piece, and Shepard drank in the sight. This beautiful man was all hers and she simply couldn’t believe it. It was like a dream come true.

Jacob spread her legs and hovered over her, giving her a slow, sweet kiss. He moved down to the sensitive spot on her neck, lavishing it with attention, but not enough to leave a mark. While they were now a couple, they had to maintain professional decorum outside the bedroom.

He then moved lower, lavishing attention on one beautifully brown nipple and then kissed his way over to the other. After he had her panting and wet, he slowly moved down to her dripping core. He pressed his tongue against her clit, moved down to her opening, and slid right back up again. When he wrapped his lips around her clit and gently sucked, Shepard screamed out loud.

“Oh, shit yes. Please!”

“Please what?”

“More. I need more. I need you.” Shepard panted out, running her fingers through the short hair on his head.

“As you wish.” Jacob put on the condom and positioned himself at her entrance. He started thrusting with shallow, short strokes that served to push Shepard even closer to the brink.

“If you keep doing that, I won’t last much longer.”

“Yes you will. I’ll make sure of that.” Jacob said with a smirk. Then, without warning, he drove himself to the hilt. She felt his pubic bone grind against her clit and it was too much. She came with a shout that rang around the room.

“YES! BABY PLEASE! YES!” she screamed. That was when Jacob began to thrust in earnest. His pace was fast and brutal, never letting her fully come down from her high. She didn’t think she could take much more. It felt too good. It was too much but not enough. Jacob leaned down on his forearms and kissed her hard, still thrusting within her. Shepard reached up and dug her nails into his back as she came a second time, even better than the first. Jacob’s strokes soon became erratic and he came harder than he ever did before.

“Oh fuck yes!” he moaned in her ear. Both were left breathless by the encounter. Jacob withdrew with a shudder from him and a whine of protest from Shepard. He removed the condom and threw it in the trashcan by the bed. Shepard pulled him back into bed where he pulled her into his chest, stroking her hair until she fell asleep. He laid awake for hours just watching her and listening to her deep, steady breaths. He knew then he had fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with her, but he couldn’t tell her just yet. Some things had to wait.


End file.
